By D.Witte

I “came to” pounding on my car console and hollering…..”I don’t want to use your f***ing app” realized I had descended into a childish rant, but hoping it wasn’t too late to redeem myself.  What next?

I realized I had experienced a hit of instinctive anger. Now What? Thinking back, I ask myself, “How did I get here?”

I had a relatively productive day, prepping for moon meditation that evening.  I was interrupted unexpectedly by someone at the door. He said he was from my power company and wanted permission to change my meter. I was hesitant, fearing it was a scam. I hadn’t been notified they would be coming and he had no company logo. Then I noticed the brand name on his vehicle.  So, I agreed.

That experience reminded me of the uncertainty I was having with my ISP saying they had updated my email account and if I didn’t log in, I could lose access. I felt it as a threat by yet another corporation. I dutifully logged in and then received another email, threatening the same action. I tried another time or two and finally said to myself, “Screw it,” feeling powerless and incompetent.

This all happened on the day I placed an order for pickup at Sam’s club on my way to meditation (ironic isn’t it?). When I arrived I found a line of twelve cars ahead of me. I do not exaggerate! But, the 13^th spot was open! Would I have time to wait? I hoped. Then I realized I hadn’t received the usual text for pickup. Fortunately, I had a printout with me, so I called the store. The salesclerk said to use the app. I tried to remain calm as I told her I didn’t have the app. She said she would let staff know I was there.

 I waited impatiently for ten minutes, while fuming there was no “heads up” from Sams that they were making this change. They just dropped it, with a kind of attitude, “suck it up, Buttercup.”  No choices, no respect, just more corporate bullying. I could feel the anger building. When I feel disrespected…I get angry. I looked up at the sign in front of my car….It said, “Welcome, sign in with the app”—-I lost it and began pounding on my car console.

Suddenly my Thinker came back on board. I think, “I’ve lost it”……”But, I have a choice. I can simply stop doing business with all those corporations—-maybe be a monk! or I could meekly comply with their demands and disrespect myself in the process.” Seemed like a no-win situation. But I did have a choice, stay angry or choose one of those options.

I don’t want another app on my phone. Memory space is at a premium the way it is. If they insist I use the app in the future, I will lose this valued perk, unless I comply. Feelings of rebellion took over momentarily. I imagined what complications I could experience if I didn’t comply? No power from the electric company…..no email service….no convenient pick up.

The choice at hand was clear, I had to leave without my order.  I roused my calmer self and called the salesclerk to tell them I would have to return later. She agreed.

Recalling it now, I realize it wasn’t the current situation alone that caused me to react. I overreacted after I experienced a steady build of uncertainty, fear and disrespect. It rose as anxiety first, with the visit from the power company, then moved to frustration and irritation, with my ISP and finally hostility, defensiveness and anger in my parking space. It was perfect cascade resulting in the release of anger I could no longer hold.

Maybe you’ll agree my anger was justified. But I’d like to be more balanced in my reactions next time. I could have taken action at every step. First, I could have called the power company to confirm their visit. That would have honored my feelings of trepidation and put my mind at ease.

With my ISP, I could have called my provider and inquired why I wasn’t getting acknowledgement for my actions. (In fact, I later learned it was a phishing email, when I checked the email address of the sender). But all those things take too much time and I felt the pressure in the moment.

They say, expressing anger is OK, because suppressing it traps our instinctual fight or flight response and leads to high blood pressure. They say, the best option is to realize it, accept it and channel it in a socially acceptable way, but I’ve always found the idea of pounding on a pillow wasn’t very satisfying. 

Now, I’ve learned another way to channel these energies, using the principle of “Energy Follows Thought.”

Science tells us, energy can’t be created or destroyed, but it can be transformed. Our thoughts have energy, but are limited to our physicality until we send them to our heart, where our soul resides, there it can be transformed to whatever energy we designate.

This doesn’t work in the moment of anger, because we’re really not “thinking” in that state. So, instead, I make a plan before the next confrontation. For instance, while in “thinking mode,” I set the intention to catch the emotion early, before it gets to the anger stage, by validating my feelings. If it’s frustration, irritation or defensiveness, I can recognize it, accept it, then send it to my heart where I’ve already decided how to transform that energy into something useful, I want to give more energy to. For me, I visualize the light of compassion streaming to mothers who are desperate to feed their children and keep them safe and healthy, like in Gaza or Ukraine. You might have a different point of caring, but if it strikes you in the heart, it will work to transform energy of any kind.

I haven’t had the opportunity to use this with anger yet, but it has worked remarkably well with the experience of irritation and frustration and it seems to have stopped the cascade effect?  Time will tell. 

Sounds like a plan, doesn’t it? Do you have an energy you want to transform? Are you willing to try? I’d love to hear about your experience with this. Send us your story-

 visionaryviewpoints@yahoo.com