That is the Question

By Andrew Mullen

Most of us are taught, directly or indirectly, that being wrong means something is wrong with us. It means we failed, misjudged, lacked insight or should have known better. But what if there is another way to understand being wrong, one that is much simpler and more accurate to how learning and assumptions actually work. What if being wrong isn’t actually wrong? What if it’s simply an imperfection that allows us to see our limitations, correct them and expand them into a better understanding?

Bayesian updating is simply this: old belief, new information, revised belief.

According to Bayesian terms, every belief we hold is a prior: a best guess based on what we know so far. It is not truth, not identity and not a judgment, it is just a temporary model of reality. Simply meaning it is our reality, our truth in the moment. The next moment, our reality may shift with new information. What was once my truth is now no longer my truth, but a new truth that has entered my reality through reassessment.

When I assume something, like “they probably didn’t like that,” I’m not making a moral statement about them or about myself. I’m just forming a hypothesis with limited information. It’s a starting point, not a conclusion. We all have life lived experiences that we pull information from, which is why we are always assuming, to position ourselves to what feels like the most logical and rational explanation of why we think the way we do.

Then reality responds. They say, “Actually, I did like it.” That response is new information.

At that moment, I have a choice. I can turn it into a story or a judgment about why I was wrong, what it says about me, or what it says about them. Or I can change my perception without judgment, meaning I simply accept I was wrong. We don’t need to accept we were wrong and then start judging ourselves for making the wrong assumption.

It’s simply coming to true acceptance.

If I can truly accept that my assumption was wrong, I no longer have to judge myself or the other person. “Simply the acknowledgment of acceptance over time, not just a moment in time, but time itself”, allows me to keep moving in a more free flowing state, without reflecting on the judgments themselves.

“You are Perfectly Imperfect”

No shame is required. No blame is necessary. Nothing has gone wrong. We are simply doing exactly what we were designed to do, which is to learn from our imperfections. “Humans are perfect in their imperfections. We are what we are and if one accepts this then they are perfection. Understand, I do not intend thee to believe that thee are perfect and thus there is no longer a need to strive for betterment.” Perfection is not the absence of growth, it is the acceptance of what is, while still walking forward into what can be. Each mistake reveals something previously unseen. Thus, imperfection was never the flaw of the system it was the very mechanism through which we were meant to grow. From this perspective, being wrong/ assuming, isn’t a mistake, it’s feedback. It’s not a judgment, unless you make it one, it’s data. I don’t need to judge myself for assuming and I don’t need to judge the other person for disproving my assumption. I can just accept that my internal compass didn’t match reality, adjust it, accept it and continue forward.