By Arline Rowden

Reflecting on my life, I realized I have always been sensitive to the emotions and energy of others. But I did not always know and understand what I was experiencing. I thought what I felt was my own. If someone that I cared about was upset, I felt upset, too. I would worry about others and try to figure out ways to help them. Sensitivity, especially emotional sensitivity, greatly affected me and my behaviors in life.

I remember a time, many years ago, when I had gained weight and my doctor was very unkind in his comments to me about it. I explained to him that one of my sisters was going through some very difficult challenges and had even been hospitalized for a mental health issue. He did not understand why that might affect me. The way he talked to me felt very abusive and affected my self-esteem. I even thought it would be better if I was not alive. Using food for emotional support and comfort had been a long-time habit.

There were times when I would listen to others talking about difficult experiences. I would try to help them but it did not seem like anything I said or did help. I would feel very tired after engaging with someone this way. I felt like I had given them all of my energy and did not have any left for myself. I would keep thinking and worrying about them even when we were not together.

At times, when I would listen to others talk about their difficult experiences I would talk about my own that were similar to their experience. Then I would feel a lot of emotion about my own experience, too. After the conversation, both of us felt drained and stuck in the emotions of our situations. Nothing seemed to change.

It would take many years to understand what was happening in these situations. And many more years to resolve the issues around emotional sensitivity. I began to realize that I did not have healthy boundaries on any level. Just learning that I could ask myself, is this mine, when I experienced feelings was huge. Then I could clear the feelings with White Light. A simple process of bringing in White Light and allowing it to accumulate in my heart and then radiate it from my heart throughout my body and aura worked very well. Once I was attuned to Reiki that was so helpful, too.

As I learned about my seven major chakras, I started to understand why I felt drained at times. It seemed to be because I felt sorry or sympathy for the person going through a difficult experience. When I made that choice I gave my sacral chakra permission to give lots of energy to that person. My sacral chakra did not seem to have the awareness of what it was doing, it just wanted to help the other person. I would also have the desire to isolate from others after I felt drained. I needed to recharge.

Then I learned that supporting others from my heart would be a better choice for me and them. When we support another from our heart, we are in a space of compassion. The heart is practical and wise. So it holds a space for the other but does not give away energy. The heart awareness recognizes that the person is going through a difficult time but does not feel sorry for them. Instead, it holds an intention that the person will find their way through the experience. It is a space of hope and empowerment for them.

As I did more of my emotional healing, I realized that I was not dropping into the experience of the other person by thinking about my own similar experience. I could be more present to them and more accepting of their experience and what it was about for them. I was holding a healthy caring boundary.

Please take some time to ponder this issue in your own life. Writing and meditating can be helpful as we heal and shift into a healthier way to interact with others. I feel that self-care is essential if I want to support others as they heal.