By mksummerbell

Trauma. It’s unavoidable. Even before we’re born, we are affected by everything that impacts our mother while she’s carrying us – her age, health, diet, environment, lifestyle choices. Every aspect of every moment of her pregnancy, including any illness, injury, or trauma, influences our development. And then – birth. No matter how loving, and gentle, and welcoming our family and birth attendants are, coming into this world is a shock. 

But is it traumatic? For some, yes. For others, not as much. What is trauma to one person is not traumatic to another. It depends on our uniquely individual nature, personality, sensitivities, and support system, as well as factors like age, culture, education, beliefs, values, goals and expectations.

Merriam Webster says trauma is “a bodily or mental injury usually caused by an external agent.”

Oxford American Dictionary defines it as

“1. A wound or injury

2. Emotional shock producing a lasting effect.” American Heritage offers two perspectives: medical – ” a serious injury,” and psychiatric – ” an emotional shock that causes lasting psychological damage.”

Random House further enhances our understanding with three definitions:

“1. A bodily injury, as from an accident,

2. Psychological shock from experiencing a disastrous event,

3. Any distressing experience.”

I’ll use that last one – “Any distressing experience” – as my working definition for this article. Again, emphasizing that trauma is extremely specific to each one of us. There’s such a vast range of potentially traumatic human experience, from something as mild and brief as a sneeze, to things as severe and permanent as brain damage, amputation, or paralysis. Only you can define what is or isn’t traumatic for you. No one but you knows what is affecting you, or how – what you are sensing, feeling, or thinking at any particular time or event. Your perceptions of your own experience are true and valid for you. If you say it hurt you, then it hurt. That’s your reality. Don’t let anyone, even a professional, deny, dismiss, or discount it. 

You may be intensely affected by something that wouldn’t bother most people. Or not upset by something that’s quite distressing to others. To clarify, here are two personal examples. I had three Cesarean births. Each time I deeply desired, and thoroughly prepared for, natural childbirth. I had a midwife for the last pregnancy, to increase my chances of avoiding a third surgery. With all that, and three long labors, I still didn’t get what I hoped for. Even as I was certainly joyful to have my babies, I was painfully disappointed in the birth process. It was a deep & intense loss that I mourned for years. Still, when I think of it, I feel little tugs of sadness and longing. I know there are people who don’t mind having a surgical birth. Others even prefer it, so they can conveniently schedule it, or pick a particular birthday. But, for me, it was traumatic.

In contrast, the day I was diagnosed with gluten sensitivity I was so happy. I had been in such pain, for so long, that to finally find out why was a very deep relief for me. When the doctor told me, my thoughts were, “It’s not cancer. I’m not going to die. And I can make it better by changing my diet. Best possible scenario.” My doctor was shocked at my response. She told me she had seen many people that, when they found out, broke down, crying, asking, “Why me?” and “What am I going to do now?” But she had never seen a reaction like mine. 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a medical diagnosis of a condition that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Such life-altering experiences can be a car crash, accident, emergency, injury, illness, disease, loss of job or home, death of a loved one, divorce, end of a relationship, abandonment, betrayal, bankruptcy, theft, bullying, any physical, sexual and/or verbal assault, abuse and/or neglect, malnutrition, drug and/or alcohol misuse, natural disaster, exposure to toxins, violence, kidnapping, torture, and war.

When I first learned of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder it was about Vietnam War veterans returning home from battle, and the extreme struggles they faced, trying to assimilate back into stateside life. It never occurred to me, then, that any experience I’d ever had could be even faintly similar to what they were going through. There was no comparison. To even consider it seemed beyond disrespectful, dishonoring them. But, over time, as I learned more and more about it, I expanded my understanding of P.T.S.D., realizing it includes different degrees of severity and a wide spectrum of diagnostic indicators. Then, seeing a documentary film about it, I knew, for sure, this did apply to me. 

The list of potential symptoms, or effects, of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is extensive. Some behaviors, like sleep problems, poor diet, substance abuse, neglect, social isolation, and chronic pain can be both a cause and an effect of trauma. One sure sign of P.T.S.D. is flashbacks – intrusive, often sudden and startling thoughts and feelings of repeatedly reliving the traumatic event. We keep going back, in our mind, trying to fix, or erase, what took place. Nightmares, insomnia, paranoia, phobias, fear and mistrust are all common responses to trauma. Avoiding people, places and activities that remind us of the event is also typical. 

Trauma affects us physically, mentally and emotionally. Physical symptoms include headaches, stomach aches, chest and back pain, dizziness, fatigue, and breathing difficulties. Survivors of abuse are more at risk for chronic pain later in life. More than half of people with low back pain also have P.T.S.D. Cognitive problems include difficulty concentrating and making decisions, absentmindedness, and memory loss, especially about the event. Trauma can actually change our brain chemistry, even permanently, making it difficult to think positively or feel positive emotions.  

With trauma, people often feel guilt and/or shame, exacerbated by self-blame. Emotional responses can be extreme – numbness, withdrawal, detachment – or agitation, irritation, hostility and anger. Mood swings can be swift, severe, and unpredictable, flipping in an instant from being docile and passive to explosive, aggressive outbursts. Risky, self-destructive, thrill-seeking activities can be attempts to escape the pain. Depression can cause loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed. Anxiety can be expressed in obsessive-compulsive behaviors. In extreme cases, trauma can be so deeply damaging, so disorienting, that it weakens one’s very identity and sanity, causing dissociation – feeling disconnected from self or reality.  

Trauma often brings on hypervigilance – being constantly on guard – watchful, waiting, ever-expecting more bad things to happen. It can also result in hyperarousal – feeling edgy and jumpy and easily startled or frightened. Sensory perceptions may be heightened, with intense sensitivity to light, color, sound, odors, temperature, flavors, texture, touch. These defense mechanisms obviously make it extremely difficult to initiate or maintain a relationship with traumatized people. And, certainly, difficult for the trauma-affected person to relate to others. 

Like grief, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder comes and goes in waves. And a stress reaction can be triggered, regularly or unexpectedly, by almost anything – a memory, image, thought, sound, song, smell, light, music, words, an anniversary. These triggers go to a very deep part of the brain where instincts take over reactions. An example of this is when a friend of mine, recently returned from Vietnam, was walking down the street one day, and a car backfired. He dropped, fast and flat, face down on the sidewalk, his body responding as if it were gunfire. 

In addition to personal, individual trauma, I believe there is also collective traumatic stress, as when an event like 911 affects an entire nation, and the world. Considering current national and global circumstances, and the prevalence of violence in the news & entertainment, on social media, and, for some, directly, in daily life, it’s very nearly impossible to avoid exposure to ongoing traumatizing events. I think our world society has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

What can we do about it? 

First, let’s talk about labels. Labels let us know what’s inside something. They’re useful to identify, to name things. That’s a practical necessity. But I think our current medical culture has a nasty tendency to over-label, to see so many very normal human responses and coping behaviors as devastating, dramatic, everlasting “Disorders.”  It’s a damaging trend when people trap themselves in diagnostic labels, sometimes surrendering their identity, and humanity, to one aspect of their totality. We hear this when someone says “I am sick” rather than “I feel sick.” 

I propose that we flip this perception by focusing on healing goals. Trauma can definitely upset our balance, our sense of inner and outer order. But it need not be for a lifetime. We can’t make what we experienced go away; we can’t undo what’s been done. But we can learn to not let it defeat or define us. We can, moment by moment, step by step, get to where it’s there inside us, but we don’t let it dictate our responses to life. It’s all about accepting, adjusting, and adapting to ever-changing situations. The goal is for us to act consciously, mindfully, in response to current experiences, not react instinctively from past patterns. That’s mastering life. In the spirit of that attitude, let’s change the meaning of P.T.S.D from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to Progress Toward Self-Determination. Ah, yes! That feels better already. 

Based on personal experience, I offer ways we can try to regain our balance when it is upset. First, plug yourself in. Connect with your Source of Universal Energy, whatever you call it: Higher Power, God, Goddess, Greater Good, Holy Spirit, Nature, Love…Align yourself with positive influence beyond yourself – bigger, more powerful than you are – to continuously renew your inner resources. If you don’t have a Higher Power, focus on a concept, quality, or activity that motivates you – love, beauty, kindness, gardening, art, dance, music…Or just use light, like sunlight, coming down from the sky, into your head and body, circulating through, constantly recharging you.

Realize that you might (still) be in shock, so you, and others, can make accommodations for it. Remind yourself of this as much and for as long as you need to. It may sound simplistic or silly, but often the thing about shock is that, like denial, you don’t know you’re in it. And it’s good for you to know that you might be a little wonky in your thinking and perceiving right now. 

Accept, as much as you can, what’s happened to you, even if it’s slowly and takes a long time. Face the facts of the reality you’re dealing with. Denial can be protective for a while. But denial, or discounting your experience, is not helpful, just isn’t useful, long-term. Be patient with yourself in your process. Pace yourself – physically, mentally and emotionally. Some days are better than others, and if you push yourself too far, too fast, you just lose your balance again. You can only go on from where you’re at, even if that’s living in your pj’s for days, or crying in the shower. So let yourself be wherever you are, as long as you need to be, before moving ahead. And give yourself credit for your progress. 

Love and care for yourself – no matter what. Do the best you can to develop and sustain healthy habits of diet, activity, work, play and rest. The cycles and rhythms of life are reassuring to your body and your psyche. It helps them know what to expect. Whenever you’re struggling, go back to basics. And continue your efforts to get, and to give yourself, what you need and want. You are the only person who is going to be with you all of your life. So, befriend yourself. Be your own cheerleader. Be compassionate. Be kind. 

Another key element of recovery is to create, or reinforce, your support network, for help & guidance as you go along. This is not necessarily easy, because we don’t always know what we need, or can’t verbalize it, or people just don’t respond well to our cries for help, even when they are clear requests. And, sometimes, honestly, the resources just aren’t there. If so, don’t give up in despair. Keep trying. Keep asking. Ask someone else. Try again another day. Things are changing all the time. And things take time to manifest. While you’re waiting, do what you can, on your own, in the moment. Then explore more options and possibilities as they come up. Consider finding and joining a support group. There are all kinds of them. They’re great sources of up-to-date information and social contact. There, through shared experience, we can know we are not alone. 

Make a toolbox. And use your tools well. Start with self-observation, noticing which experiences in your life you like and enjoy, and those you dislike, or hesitate to do. What feels good, feels safe? And what feels uncomfortable, threatening, or overwhelming? What is easy and what’s a struggle? And why? What’s so hard, for you, about making that phone call, or going to that appointment? What are you feeling as you try to do it? What would help you get it done? And, always – What would be better? Write it down. Journaling is a great tool for healing. And it becomes a study of your current coping techniques. 

But it’s just the beginning of your quest to find ways to help yourself navigate your life better and more easily. Through people, books, videos, classes, meetings and online research you can find a profusion of information about learning to live with trauma and stress. Steep yourself in this information. Educate yourself about your own human nature and about your diagnosis. Knowledge truly is power. The tiniest fact can have a huge impact on your mood, attitude, self-esteem and progress. As you go, make an ever-expanding list of actions, tips, techniques and products you have tried that helped you build your skills and abilities to get through the tough spots of your life and live as you truly want to. Put it in places where you can see it easily, to use it when you’re stuck, suffering, or in a crisis. On a bad day, go down the list and use those techniques, on repeat, until things ease up. 

 One last tip. Feel free to accept help, sometimes, even if you don’t absolutely need it. It’s just easier that way – ok? And nice. People like helping each other. It’s heartening for giver and receiver. So, make someone else’s day, and your own, by accepting the grace of their offered aid. Allow your spirit the lift, the soothing comfort, the brief, or maybe lasting, relief that someone’s loving gesture provides. It’s a healthy decision to be trusting of the gifts of life. 

This is the ultimate victory – to determine our own path by choosing, consciously, moment by moment, to make soul-guided decisions based on realistic assessments of current circumstances, of present reality. It takes ongoing effort. No one’s going to “save” you, or do it for you. You’ve got to do your healing work yourself. But accepting help will ease the way. As you become ever more aware of your trauma-related challenges, and keep making the vital commitment to self-improvement – “I want to be healthy. I can do better.” – you can’t go wrong. From then on, everything you do is healing, because you’ve headed yourself in the right direction – forward. Even when you fall back, as we all do, you’re still on the path of balance. Once you set your intention of self-betterment, every step you take is moving away from disabling Post Traumatic Stress Disorder into empowering Progress Toward Self-Determination.