By Julie Dieterle

I was looking for something to lift my spirit and SEE what is REAL and happening in my world.

I got several invitations and notifications about my friends and family members celebrating graduation of their children and grandchildren. I saw the smiles and heard the pride and promise behind the smiles. I couldn’t help but be uplifted.

I wondered what brought these “future engaged citizens” to this point in their lives. I wondered what life holds for the future generations. How will their childhood shape their lives?  What will the little ones be capable of and bring to the world?

I also viewed the sparkle in the eyes of a newborn. There is something in their faces that hold the pure wisdom beyond this life and promise of the future.

There was a study where scientists tracked 1,000 kids for forty years, 1972-2012.  The researchers measured multiple factors about personalities, families, schools, and neighborhoods to ease out what mattered and what didn’t.

They found that most young troublemakers grew out of their delinquency, that mental problems are more common than thought, and early puberty is particularly stressful for girls.

Though they tracked physical and mental health, finances and social relations, they found that emotional intelligence was the best indicator of success.

They went deep enough to look at specifics. Their study looked at how student’s talk about their feelings and if the words and expressions really matched or not.

Parents often stress about their kids academic performance, work ethic and behavior toward others. Though important, none of them is the best predictor of whether a particular child will grow up to lead a satisfying, financially stable life. Neither is the wealth, education, or socioeconomic status of the parents.

What seems to matter most? Do the kids understand their emotions and manage their reactions to them constructively.

Daniel Goleman, psychologist, summed it up this way: The strongest predictor of financial success was cognitive control, stronger than IQ and wealth of the family they grew up in.

First of all, understand that emotional intelligence is a skill that is learned through experience.

Are we able to hold off immediate gratification for a more important goal?

Can we override a sudden feeling or impulse?

Do we know how we feel or what we are feeling?

Is it ok to feel this way? What do we do with this feeling?

Self-control can be influenced by external factors such as parenting, education, and early intervention programs. Kids who receive support and guidance tend to fare better as adults.

By empathizing with them, modeling curiosity and humility, and even exposing them to art, music and literature, as a way to think through the complexities of being human.

This does not mean expecting them to be nice and even keeled — Acknowledging what they are feeling “the good, the bad, and the ugly” — Then helping them constructively express it in an honest and safe way. This helps them become adaptable, understand and accept how others are acting and feeling, and not getting stuck in this moment because they are able to see the possible positive part in all experiences.

This helps understand that experience means making mistakes, feeling disappointed, vulnerable and exposed—AND moving beyond that moment.

We need to be adaptable and flexible as life plunges ahead into unknown territory. Let’s help the children meet it as a healthy journey of discovery. Let’s nurture the smile of accomplishment and the pure joy of being alive.

https://www.science.org/content/article/two-psychologists-followed-1000-new-zealanders-decades-here-s-what-they-found-about-how